


Uno, uno, uno, dos, cuatro

by theniftycat



Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, Gen, Humor, M/M, References to the Eurovision Song Contest, Youtuber AU, quarantine au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:00:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23184421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theniftycat/pseuds/theniftycat
Summary: So, this happened...
Relationships: Illya Kuryakin/Napoleon Solo
Comments: 5
Kudos: 23





	Uno, uno, uno, dos, cuatro

The stage: a medium size room with white walls. There are some old pictures on the wall, but they are obscured by a two-meter long rainbow flag.

Characters: two men, both about 30 years old. The dark haired one sits to the left, wearing an orange polo shirt. The blond one is to the right and he has a white tank top on.

Napoleon: Hello, world!

Illya: We are not programmers.

Record scratch sound. Retake.

I: Hi, I'm Illya and this is Napoleon...

N: And you're watching Disney Channel.

I: NO.

Record scratch sound. Retake.

I: Welcome to our channel!

N: Yes, welcome! We don't know what we're gonna do here, but here we are. We're filming this because we have nothing better to do now.

I: We're quarantined!

N: Oh my god, they were quarantined!

Illya looks at Napoleon in disgust.

I: Are you still using tumblr? What is it, 2012?

N: Look, Illya, I AM old, what do you expect from me?

I: Well, I saw you using you fake facebook profile today, so, really, what can I say.

Cut to a phone footage of Napoleon's phone with a name "Rob Hardmore" flashing for a second before he hides it with his hands.

I: Was it really a Stephen Colbert reference? Are you fifty? *sigh* Anyway, today we are going to react... *sigh*

N: React to a music video called 'Uno'.

I: Which is a Russian entry for this year's Eurovision!

N: And you're half-Russian!

I: And we're in Europe!

N: But I'm American, so, Eurovision is a bit of a foreign concept to me.

I: By the way, viewers, we are in Italy now. We moved here this winter and now there's plague.

N: We're basically so much like Romeo and Juliet now, it's not even funny.

I: Exactly, Juliet, it's not funny.

N: O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo? But actually, Juliet's part is more interesting and nuanced, so...

I: Back to the subject! Eurovision! What do you know about Eurovision?

N: Uh, it's a European song contest. And it's weird. Really weird. I've seen gifs on tumblr.

I: Yeah, so, how good do you think the gifs are at representing a SONG contest?

N: Well, I've seen a man running up on the stage and mooning the audience.

I: I guess, it is good enough.

N: Yeah, so, what do you expect from the video?

I: Well, Russia has been known for sending acts that were sometimes too good for Eurovision. And it often ended up getting close to the first place, but not quite there. But knowing Little Big and its frontman Ilya Prusikin...

N: Wait! He's also called Illya?

I: Well, as a fully Russian man, he's called Ilya with one L.

N: I've met so few people named Illya in my life that I forgot you actually have a normal name.

I: Yes, I do. Unlike you, Napoleon. Your parents sure were pranksters, weren't they?

N: I don't know what you're talking about.

I: *singing* Waterloo!..

N: Yeah, never heard that one before.

I: By the way, viewers, do you know there's a movie with characters who share our names?

N: Yes! And while you might say that they look a teensy bit like us, they are nothing like us in real life.

I: Yeah! Imagine me pining for a girl!

N: ...I'd rather not.

I: Pffft...

N: So, the video!

I: Yes, the video! Let's watch it already!

N: Enough chit chat!

Illya leans forward to press play. The screen becomes black. Then they appear on the screen again.

I: So...

N: Our camera stopped working and we noticed only now...

I: Yeah...

N: But the video was very cool!

I: Oh, stop recording. We're not gonna upload it anyway.

Illya leaves the room.

N: Guys, I'll talk to him. I think it's... good content. If you see it, I was successful. Byeee!

Video title: American and Russian DON'T react to UNO by LITTLE BIG || ESC

564,269 views

10,643 likes, 6,395 dislikes

853 subscribers

Top comment: Злой Топ, 2 days ago: Это лучшая нереакция, которую я видел! Но я не понял, они чо, геи?????


End file.
